A Brief Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse – The Strategy

Running towards zombies? Big can of nope. >.>
Running towards zombies. Mmmnope.
In my first part of this guide I wrote about the backpack necessities, in the second I dealt with what weapon you should choose for effective zombie-fighting.
Now the time has come for the third and final installment of this series where we will talk strategy.
No matter how much we plan, we will never be as smooth as Brick.
No matter how much we plan, we will never be as smooth as Brick.

Anyway, say we got our backpack, we got our weapon- where do we go now and what do we do? Here are some strategies to consider:

1. The Urban Survivor. You barricade yourself somewhere, maybe on a roof, that has a way down (see, we’re already getting use out of that rope) but not really a way up for unwanted visitors.
You wait out the worst with your food reserves and can possibly still access water from a tap, or hope for rain to gather.
Once the threat to you is not imminent, you scavenge nearby building and  stores. Depending on the intensity of the zombie outbreak, you will most likely still need to fight from time to time.

This strategy is best suited to individuals in good physical shape (due to the risk of getting into combat and the possibility of a LOT of running) and who have the mental fortitude to outwit both zombies and humans gone lawless.
The main appeal of this strategy is the continued, if limited, access to houses and buildings as shelters and the (finite) wealth of human products and food.

Perfect example: Will Smith in
Urban Survivor: Will Smith in “I am Legend”. (Ps. I got that bag. How cool am I.)

2. The Woodsman. You, being alert and having read way too much apocalypse fiction, pick up the early signals of something not being right. Weird sicknesses, animals disappearing, governments claiming everything is fine and dandy etc etc.
You grab your backpack and get out of the cities, into the wild. Where instead of more than the occasional zombie and lawless humans, you will face cold nights and lack of food and shelter. If you carefully pick a location, where there are streams and lakes, you can hopefully get nature to provide you with water. Using that fishing line to create nets and snares you can get food. Once you’ve built a basic shelter and water proofed your sleeping area with those plastic bags, you could actually get through the ordeal in relative comfort and safety.

This strategy probably best suits people who feel comfortable surrounded by wilderness and are bodily able and healthy. And the main appeal would be not having to deal with the actual zombies. Because, as we have already established, they are goddamn scary.

He even looks like me! Sorta.
I’ll spend the apocalypse as a Woodsman please. Such fab, very axe. Wow.

3. The Fighter. Similar to The Urban Survivor, the Fighter stays where the action is. But instead of sneaking, planning and bunkering, you fight. Maybe alone but most effectively in a group of people. This strength in numbers-attitude allows for more leeway with the preparations because you actually stand a chance of getting to what you need later, despite zombies and whatnot.

This strategy seems to me most suited to headstrong people who want the security and possibilities that fellow people creates, and feel they wont be taken advantage of. The main appeal? That you can rely on others and don’t have to go through it alone and also feel that you are fighting back.

Good example of both The Fighter and of not having properly read my weapon guide.
Good example of both The Fighter and of not having read my weapon guide.

What strategy suits you, one of these three or something else entirely? I for one would definitely go for The Woodsman. I have read dark enough zombie books to think that what’s left of mankind would probably be as dangerous for a girl of my size and poor karate skills as the zombies. So the woods it is.

I would preferably bring my near and dear with me, so I should probably pick a location in advance and inform them. Need to make them read this guide beforehand as well so they know what to bring…

Or remember this is fictional and just “for fun”. Cough.

Just ignore the haters.
Just ignore them.
Thanks for sticking with me through this guide and I sincerely hope that it will never come in handy! Cheers : D
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A Brief Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse – The Weapon

Hungry zombie. Nasty business.
Hungry zombie. Nasty business.

In the first post of this series I discussed the ever-important backpack and what to cram in there. But now that we are well-prepared for general survival, I will focus on how to deal with the zombies more directly.

For this we will need to choose a weapon.*dun dun duuun*

If you live in a country where assault rifles and rocket launchers are kinda hard, not to mention illegal, to come by, here are some valid options:

1. An Axe. This trusty and multifunctional weapon has the power to both crush zombie skulls and chop wood- an axe is always a good choice for the apocalypse. They are also easy and legal to come by most everywhere and not TOO heavy to carry around. Though it can be thrown, the axe is obviously a melee weapon requiring some muscle to wield effectively.

If Emma Watson does it, it's worth doing.
If Emma Watson does it, it’s worth doing.

2. A Machete. Commonplace in most zombie fiction, this seriously oversized cutlery offers a lightweight and deadly defense versus the undead. On the downside, it can be difficult to get to the destroy-the-brain-part of combat with a machete. Unless you stab the zombie through they eye socket or chop the head clean off, it can probably keep coming at you after taking damage.

3. The Bow and Arrow. Oh, the idea of going all Katniss at the zombie horde with bow and arrow…
Realistically, a bow and arrow-strategy COULD work but unless you put some practise in it is harder to aim at a moving target than one might think. And you might find yourselves out of useable arrows (yup, the arrowheads can break off if  you hit a hard surface like for example bone) with no means or skills to make new ammo. The ability to fight rotting, hungry corpses from a distance is highly appealing though and might make the bow and arrow worth a shot (pun very much intended. sorry).

A comic I made a year ago or so when I was Katniss for Halloween. Don't bring real weapons out of the house until the zombies actually arrive, kk?
A comic I made about my Halloween-fail as Katniss from the Hunger Games. The lesson is to keep the weapons inside until the zombies are actually here.

4. A Sword. A sword, or maybe a katana or a mace, can likely be used to good result with nothing but sheer panic and force behind them. Historical  weapons tend to be a bit on the heavy side and less than optimal for running with, but I think they are a functional and fancy alternative that also will look great as part of your interior design until shit hits the fan.

What can I say. It's not only your wall that looks better with a sword attached.
Can I be him please?

5. A baseball racket. A favourite of zombie movies featuring everyday people grabbing what they have in their sheds (Shaun of the Dead <3). But, it requires a lot of force to put a zombie down for good with and offers no other utility. I don’t recommend this as your choice of defense for the apocalypse, but if you (despite this guide and general paranoia) are caught of guard and have this as your only option, a baseball racket could be useful.

Now, brace yourselves for my surprise alternative and personal choice of weapon:

The Slingshot!

Not this version.

And no, not that ^ version. albeit it’s awesome. I am talking about a hunter’s slingshot. I had no idea this existed a month ago, but man. Powerful, light-weight, ranged and with the possibility of using rocks as ammo once you run out of bullets it seems almost too good to be true. It is the perfect, legal, apocalypse weapon for a person of my not-that-imposing physical build.

What do you think is a good weapon against the zombies? (Preferably that you can legally get and keep before martial law occurs so you are forearmed huehue oh the puns just keep coming today i sincerely apologize.)

Packed, prepared- what now?
Packed, prepared- what now?

In my third and last installment of this series I will discuss the different strategies to cope with the zombie apocalypse, don’t miss it!

A Brief Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse – The Backpack

Prologue (or Why I Became a Zombie Survival-Obsessed Dork)

 I have spent an unhealthy amount of time thinking about this topic, planning and plotting and trying to figure out what equipment I would need in case of an apocalypse. Preferably equipment that is readily available in grocery stores or at least your average wild life store. Preferably equipment that’s (Y) by swedish laws.

Of course, we swedes could always chose to ride to war against the zombies on the back of polarbears, wielding thunder and smörgåstårta.
Of course, we swedes could always chose to ride to war against the zombies on the back of polar bears, wielding thunder and smörgåstårta.

I have read the army’s survival guide and a staggering pile of survival articles on the web so while I’m not an expert in any way, there is real research behind this.

If you are wondering why I bothered, the simple answer is that zombies are scary and I needed a realistic plan to make them less so. There you have it.

;_;
;_;

In this first installment of three I will deal with The Backpack.

If you are serious about preparing for the apocalypse, invest in a well-made, waterproof backpack. The hard part begins for real though when deciding what to pack. I figure this assortion would hopefully be helpful for a number of scenarios and situations and still not weigh you down too much (gotta keep running).

What he said.

The Must-Haves

* A filled up water bottle. Lack of water will bring you to  your knees long before hunger will.  A thumb rule is that you can survive three weeks without food but only three days without water. So be sure to at least start out topped of.

* A water purifier/ filter. You will need more than that initial litre and water you find outdoors in populated areas will most often need to be purified to rid it of bacteria and dirt that will make you sick. You should load up on water purifying tablets OR make sure you boil the water for at least three minutes to kill all bacteria.

* Some canned and/or dried food. Not more than you can carry comfortably but enough to last you maybe a week, giving you some time to hunt or scavenge for  more. The body needs (on average) a minimum of 500-ish calories a day to keep vital organs functioning, but you will become very weak and tired if that’s all you get for an extended period of time.

* Tools to start a fire. Fire can give warmth, protection, light, help you cook food and purify water. It is essential. And yes, we all know that fire CAN be created with just wooden sticks and friction. But in less than optimal conditions and without proper technique (which at least I don’t have- never even got to the smoke part…) it can be a no-go. Matches are commonplace and do the job, but to have a really reliable source I recommend fire steel and scraper.

At the end of the day, even a clone needs a bit of warmth.

*Rubbing alcohol. For disinfecting wounds and if that fire really does not want to get going.

*A knife. For protection and utility.

* Extra clothing. And with that I mean a few pairs of socks and underwear plus one spare shirt. Let’s face it, the days of choosing an outfit will be over when the undead comes for us. What will be important is staying dry and warm. Feet and… private areas need to be kept dry so as to not develop physical illnesses like fungus and UTI. Just keeping it real folks.

cher_clueless_gif

* A sleeping bag. Sure, it takes up a bit of space. But it’s only September at the moment and already below 5 degrees during night-time. Expecting electricity to go within a few weeks of a full-blown apocalypse, if you live in a colder climate you WILL need something like this to not freeze to death.

*Two big, plastic garbage bags (around 160 litres). Place it above you for waterproof shelter or on the ground for catching rain.

*A rope. Because Samwise Gamgi said to never leave home without one and he was right.

*Map and a compass. If you are interested in leaving the heavily populated areas, this could be useful.

Everytime I go somewhere remotely new.
Every time I go somewhere remotely new.

* Fishing line. Since my personal strategy involves getting out of the mess in the cities, I will rely on finding my own food. Fishing line can also be used to mend clothes and even stitch up a wound (just add a needle to the bag and pray you find it later).

*DUCT TAPE. For fixing everything in the entire bloody world.

Well done Seth Rogen. Well done.
Well done Seth Rogen. Well done.

I figure our bag is pretty loaded now. If you got extra space and no problem with the weight, stuff some more dried or canned food in there.

Did I miss something? If so, please let me know what in the comments!

In the next post I will suggest five possible weapon choices vs. the zombies. Stay tuned! 😀

Geek by Joh

So. Hi.
I am the Joh mentioned. I have a Bachelor’s in Game design and graphics, and a Master’s in both General Escapism and Telling Your Mom You Can’t Pause.
I play hunter in WoW, I main support in LoL and I basically always pick the fire-type starter pokemon. I will scream and throw away the controller if someone makes me play Dying Light, Amnesia or L4D though. Working on that.
Here I’ll be writing about games I like (and dislike), books, zombies and all things geek and wonderful. 😀
I hope to see you again!

Jinx- making supports wanna play AD since 2013.
Jinx- making supports wanna play ADC since 2013.